Ambiguous Loss – related to caregiving – Accepting the Gift of Caregiving

My experience with grief was the biggest surprise of my entire caregiving journey, maybe in life itself. As with Alzheimer’s, and just like caregiving, I had had little experience with grief. When My Love was diagnosed, I was not prepared to become his caregiver. Each day, as his memory declined, I had to keep learning to keep up.

I unknowingly grieved for his losses through the years and, at the same time, I grieved for mine. As I watched the man who I adored, and the number of things we used to do together fade away, I recognize now that I mourned.

No matter which stage of Alzheimer’s My Love was going through, I was always surprised when I felt a loss. I did not realize at the time that witnessing the person I knew so well fading before my eyes would be one of the most devastating aspects of my caregiving years.

And now that My Love has passed and my focus is no longer on caregiving, I finally can thoughtfully grieve and reflect. Once I began to process grief, when I addressed those desperate moments and overwhelming situations, when I looked life in the face, both then and now, and adjusted to my new reality, I was able to detect that grief turned into a gift, in the same way, that caregiving had. It was then that I realized that grief was part of the caregiving practice.

When caregivers lose the support and encouragement that once came from their loved ones, and then actions and behaviors that were part of an intimate relationship disappear, it is no wonder caregivers become drained, feel alone and often desperate.

Early on, my therapist directed me to download a copy of the Alzheimer Society brochure Ambiguous Loss and Grief in Dementia from their website. (You can download it, too.)

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(This article regarding Ambiguous Loss & Anticipatory Grief will also be found on the main menu Caregiver Knowledge under Encouragements for Caregiver as a static page for easier location later. Blog pages just get more initial attention, so thus this format allows us to reach as many caregivers as might benefit. Thank you.)