Caregiver Poem

October 1, 2020April 4, 2021 by Judith Allen Shone ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

From Contributor and Guest Author, Ryann Huff

Since October 1 is National Poetry Day, observed primarily in the UK and Ireland, I would like to join them to celebrate (from Canada) with this Caregiver Poem from the US that honours all caregivers and reveals the compassion and grace that trickle into the DNA of many caregivers over time.

Written by Ryann Huff, herself a caregiver for “more than two decades,” her words of love and appreciation, which are reflected in this poem, honor “the beautiful soul,” “an angel,” who cared for her grandfather in the period “when Alzheimer’s became too overwhelming.”

As we share this poem, we continue to create a stronger chain of care, linking all those who are giving care around the world, who have lived through uniquely demanding times, and have felt the heart and soul of caregiving that Ryann expresses.

God, bless those who are giving care, every one! 💕 ~Judith Allen Shone

Please feel free to pass the link to this inspiring poem to others. Printed here with kind permission from Ryann Huff.

Caregiver Poem

by Ryann Huff

The heart of a caregiver is a rare element on earth
They define the true meaning and value of God’s worth

The soul of a caregiver is precious and pure
Their spirits are heavenly, of that I am sure

The selfless compassion and love that they share
Provides relief, joy, and comfort just knowing they’re there

Their efforts often unnoticed, full of strength and emotion
Bring peace to the heavens with angelic devotion

Many nights they are restless, their minds filled with unease
Because they devote their lives to tend to others’ needs

There is none more deserving than one with the caregiver ability
They show peace, love, and mercy and give our loved ones dignity

Caregiver, a special place in heaven is waiting for you
There is a special place inside my heart that is reserved for you, too

Thank you for everything, all of it, and more
I pray someone so kind is there for you when you knock on God’s door

You are loved and respected and cherished
And I wouldn’t have known what to do without you

In memory of Earl T. Huff, Sr. & Dedicated to: The Isadora, Spring Hill, FL, USA.

Caregiver Poem (c) By Ryann Huff
Caregiver Poem Page (c) 2020 Judith Allen Shone

Flickering Magic

September 17, 2020April 30, 2021 by Judith Allen Shone ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Thank you for joining me. . .
. . .you are my sunshine!!

Have you as a caregiver encountered any communication issues recently? If you realize it could happen along your path, maybe you can reduce your stress and worry by knowing others struggle with this as well!

Eleven months ago, when I wrote about it here on this site, I asked, “Where Do The Missing Words Go?”

Back then, My Love was beginning to have serious problems finding words to explain his thoughts.

I wondered how terrible it must feel to be unable to ‘call up words on demand’ to speak your thoughts. At that time, if no other way worked, he used charades, a concept replacing the word with an idea, communicated via an ‘acting’ mode.

Memory loss is not just forgetting where you put the keys, not just taking longer to think of a friend’s name, not just bringing home eggs when you meant to buy bread. I have witnessed My Love’s Alzheimer’s brain, the boss of the bodily functions, destroy his abilities on all levels, bit by bit, nipping at a life that once emanated from the person, the life that once dazzled the world with vitality. His lost words are just like his weakening ability to walk, and his body’s confusion about when he is supposed to sleep.

I know how frustrating it is when I cannot magically find ‘that one word’ to describe what I am trying to convey. But to lose connection to all our words must be more than discouraging, unless of course, you have memory loss, plus anosognosia, and don’t know it is happening.

In the months since I told about My Love’s word finding difficulties, his Alzheimer’s has progressed. His memories and recognition of his daily surroundings, have all but disappeared right along with his words. He can no longer use charades because the concept does not seem to be able to transmit to the ‘acting’ part of his brain.

On the other hand, now I must try acting out what I am asking of him. For instance, to take his pills, I put one pill in my hand and raise it to my mouth…wait for him to follow. Then I put the glass of juice in my hand and lift it, to show to drink it with the pill…wait for him to follow. Sometimes he does not understand this and I must take the glass, put it in his hand and lift both hand and glass to his mouth to get him to grasp what I try to say with words. And sometimes, it is more complicated than ‘acting out’ with pills!

Caregiving just takes a great deal of patience, counting to ten, being able to be flexible, going with the flow, one moment at a time. I aim at being kind, knowing I do the best I can with what I know at the time. 🥰

It is incredible to note how common it has become when one sentence cannot be completed. Like a child, the sounds come, one or two at a time. But My Love’s 81-year-old sounds are not necessarily recognizable as words anymore. The attempts are there. He realizes, momentarily, when he cannot find the right word. And then he tries again…not remembering that he tried to find that word just moments earlier. I am aware of his brief frustration from word loss; but, that, too, disappears quickly.

Sadly, the magic of my soul needs recharging. Yes, I become impatient listening, but I do try to help by suggesting words— it is hard to find words he understands! He does not even understand when I try to act out the words. The connections are definitely disrupted.

It is my job, me, My Love’s partner and caregiver of over eight years, to step in, with a smile and laughter, to bring life back into his face, vitality into his life. I guess at the words he cannot find, as if I could magically discover his thoughts and say them out loud…but my magic wand does not always work!

It has become difficult for him to give me a clue. His ability to get the thought from his mind to his mouth seems to have been cut short by the brain areas that control those complex functions. The available means to tell me have diminished and, as a result, so do our conversations.

My Love may be losing many of his words, but he does still have feelings. He still can laugh, he still looks at me with a heart-felt, kind smile, a sense of thankfulness that I am there, an uncertain awareness of what is going on around him. Yes, even if he cannot explain them, he still has feelings.

At times, I chuckle when I respond to him with what I guess he might be saying—he still has his scripts, so deeply embedded, that his response will invariably be, ‘right,’ or ‘I know’ or a nod of the head, even when the answer I give could not possibly be correct!

Every so often, I wonder if I can keep my caregiving magic alive during the later stages of Alzheimer’s. I have been told it will become harder to communicate as we walk the later steps of this journey together…I, too, am learning! But like I have done since day one, I will remain My Love’s ally and partner, his caregiver, regardless of what I am asked to do.

I can’t stop… even if I am getting tired…it is time to get the wizardry back into my life and get the magic, beginning to flicker in that wand, recharged!

🌞I hope this little update of a caregiver’s life in the world of Alzheimer’s magically melts away some stress for you today!!🌞

Before you leave, check out the rest of this site especially Caregiver Tips!!
Sign up to get notices…and we’ll watch for you next time….! 🌞💝🌷 ~ jas

Each day, do something that makes others smile and your heart sing.

Goin’ to the HOP!

August 13, 2020April 4, 2021 by Judith Allen Shone ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

At my age I can say it . . . I remember going to the hop, the teen canteen . . . and dancing to songs like Bobby Darin’s Queen of the Hop and Danny and The Juniors’ At the Hop!

I recall seventy years ago ‘hop‘ meant jumping up and down on one foot, and then, a few years later, we did that jumping up and down at a party and renamed it dancing, as we had learned in class— where the boys stood on one side of the room and the girls clustered on the other side. We were no longer swinging and swaying, we were bopping at the hop! That dancing would soon be renamed – again – to rockin’ and rollin’ and then, when the Bunny Hop was popular, we learned to ‘line dance!’ Even more recently, Hip Hop evolved for the physically fit!

Today when I turn on the ‘oldies,’ my loved one’s eyes light up, his arms start reaching out, his shoulders rise and fall, his body comes alive. . . right there in the chair where he spends most of his recent hours, his head is bobbing back and forth with the beat of the music.

He does not remember the song titles. Currently in stage 7 of Alzheimer’s, he can no longer retrieve the memory of the specific dances, the names of partners he danced with, nor the dance hall where they went, but his muscle memory has not forgotten! I love to watch it . . . the foot bouncing, the arms and hands twisting, and the big bright-eyed, feel-good smile on his face! I clasp his hands, and he continues to sway but he does not get up to dance. He just seems to be happy with the feeling. What better morning activity than to listen to music that makes someone feel that good?

He was a good dancer in his day, and even as recent as five years ago he still had his ‘jitterbug moves’ . . . I am reminded how quickly our abilities can vanish!!’ (Read “Fancy Pants Dancer,” chapter twenty-four, in Is There Any Ice Cream?)

The other day I found the word hop presented with a new meaning, which fits my later years in life! H.O.P. can mean Helping. One. Person.

This new, expanded definition acknowledges that at this stage of my hopping years, one person is all I can help! I know I cannot be a caregiver for more than one loved one, at least not at the same time. When our dog was terminally ill, I learned that!

This new idea of H.O.P. makes me feel very happy that I can still hop! Sometimes I have to hop faster than I ever hopped before! I have to ‘hop to it,’ or I better ‘get crackin’, or ‘shake a leg’ . . . oh, right, those are not hops . . . but anyway, sometimes I do have to move quickly to help what needs helping!

This idea of H.O.P. validates my role in the caring world, confirms my value as a caregiver, where I am giving the best help I can, 24/7, to my one person…in a style related to my age, of course.

For a brief second, I even thought of my niece and her husband who raise hops, and wondered if the calming effect of beer with this stability agent could help those on their journey. But, I felt I would be reaching too far to suggest we all meet at the pub on Friday nights!

Then, just to see if I have missed other, more recent, definitions of hop I checked the dictionary. And there I spotted another hop meaning new to me: “passage, trip, journey.” But it makes perfect sense, I just do not recall learning it. As a result I believe this circuitous search has brought me to the conclusion that some caregivers are HOP SURVIVORS! I know I am!

Join me! I am sure anyone who has any amount of caregiving tenure providing care for one who is too fragile to carry on alone, a position of grave responsibility, has earned a HOP Survivor card.

HOP SURVIVORS deserve to feel good about themselves! We have endured the same type transitions as the word hop itself—from our first days stepping onto our path, and then adapting to our loved one’s changes, hopping to respond to their needs, until the days we accept the gift of having their life in our hands. Through our years of caring we have been called kind, desperate, compassionate, frustrated, empathetic, angry, patient, loving. Now we can add one more characterization that shows concern —HOP SURVIVOR.

GET YOUR OWN HOP SURVIVOR card, below. Then, every time you look at your HOP SURVIVOR card, SMILE 😊, feel that warm, fuzzy feeling, 🥰 knowing you did an amazing job, and remember, you are a HOP Survivor! A ‘Helping-One-Person Survivor.’ You deserve to feel special!

DOWNLOAD here . It is a 3-1/2″ jpg image. Print it out on 4″x6″ photo paper, and then confidently write your name on it! 🤗 ~jas

I know, maybe I went the long way around, but some days I feel like being whimsical…it is my mental detour. . . this time I talked about my visions. (See Night Visitors, My Love’s visions story) Question: are hallucinations contagious?

By the way, I even found a HOP SURVIVOR cup in a store!

. . . Until next time, stay safe and take care of you!

~ jas

ORIGINAL ART credits:
dancers art: Clker-Free-Vector-Images
frog in grass: © dannyphoto80 Megapixl.com
frog w/ crown: © Vilax | Megapixl.com
frog hopping: © Drawinglounge | Megapixl.com
frog card art: © Dobrynina | Megapixl.com
Watercolour flowers: lucianapappdesign

Second book was released August, 2020.

Did You Hide the Cookies?
Inescapable Heartaches of Caregiving for My Love with Alzheimer’s, Anxiety, and COPD, Accepting the Gift of Caregiving, Part Two (2020)

this series begins with the stories in the book published in 2019:

Is There Any Ice Cream?
Surviving the Challenges of Caregiving for a Loved One with Alzheimer’s, Anxiety and COPD, Accepting the Gift of Caregiving, Part One. (2019)

LARGE type – easy reading.
BOTH BOOKS can be ordered from all booksellers online including Amazon, for eBook, Paperback or Hardcover.

Accepting the Gift of Caregiving

…making our way from fear to courage and confidence through understanding.

Category: General