Capturing Memories

Do you hear it, too? Some families are already making plans for Thanksgiving. Can you believe it will be here in just a few weeks!

Many times when families get together, the photo albums come out and everyone looks at pictures from the past years. There is laughter, reconnection, memories of good times together when recognizing family from years before. Time goes so fast. While peeling carrots or setting the table, or sharing the meal, take pictures to add to that album.

Take Pictures!! Make Memories!! Record Videos!!

For many families, holidays are a time of excitement, kitchen action and chatter, of family members huddled together, cherishing special moments. Sadly, sometimes, smiles and hugs among family members are not able to happen even once a year. This is a reminder to take family photos. Remember to have a camera, and to use your camera. Maybe set your phone alarm to remind you!

**If you care for someone in your family who is older, sick or especially with memory loss, or even someone you don’t see frequently, it might be a good time to take a family photo, or prepare questions and record a video talking about family history. **

CAREGIVERS:
It seems when family members get together folks want to reminisce about their childhood, or meaningful holidays. New voices chime in and new happy memories are made while reliving ‘old times.’ Please understand, those with dementia don’t always remember what you remember.

BEAR IN MIND:
if someone with dementia is among your guests, understand they may feel tired, may become annoyed if surroundings become too loud or busy, may need to have someone beside them so they don’t feel alone.

In some cases, our loved ones may relate some history that you feel is inaccurate. We know those without dementia often see events differently, so it is no wonder those with dementia might also. Go with the flow.

You may have heard the story of five people going to an event. And after the event, they were asked to write up their report on what had happened. As each one read their account to the group, the descriptions were so different that it was not evident that anyone had witnessed the same event.

And so it might be with those with memory loss. It is the perfect time to let others know that your loved one is telling their story. You are witnessing their reality as they interpret their reflections of time past. Arguing never works. Instead, join in and accept your loved one’s reality.

Who will be in charge of taking photos

Gatherings can also be a time to pay attention, to ask questions. These members of our families hold memories that we may never hear about otherwise. Take photos. Record their answers for the years ahead, for future holiday gatherings or for someone looking into family ancestry. You can be one taking pictures. You can be the one who reminds everyone to stand by the fireplace or the in the garden for the family picture.

Invite guests to help! Ask them to put a reminder for Alexa or Google to announce out loud. Even ask them to set an alarm on their phone to remind everyone.

Maybe, before guests come to dinner, suggest each one to be responsible for one photo of a certain person during the day. Let them know you are making an album of this gathering so they will want to contribute ‘the best’ picture.

“Jill, please take a picture of your sister when she arrives with her new baby. Be sure to capture the smile when she introduces her to everyone. . Harry, see if you can get pictures of Mom cooking the meal…in her normal director stance. Jim, you are responsible for getting a great photo of Grandpa relaxing during the day. He might sit outside with Grandma. Patrick, please take a picture of the family seated at the table. It will be one of the few times we are all together. And, Patrick, if you can, video it when they are laughing and telling stories. Pauline, please take Grandma aside and let her talk to you about her time in grade school, or college, or when she and Grandpa got married. Try to catch the twinkle that surfaces in her eyes as she remembers.”

Many times, I’ve wished I had disconnected from my intense tasks of caregiving enough to be prepared for the time ahead when I would no longer see the twinkle in My Love’s eye, or would no longer be able to hear his voice. I loved his expressive eyes and speaking voice. Now I can’t ‘see or hear’ either in my mind – and I have no recording of his voice. I truly wish I had. But….you know.

Maybe put a note on a side table to remind you, or someone else at that gathering, to take a family photo or a family video when everyone is happy and talking. Or make a tradition that no turkey service until the family photo is taken. And then you know it will happen. Even use that one last chance….suggest taping over the car handle so no one gets in their car to leave before taking a family photo.

Avoid all regrets

Of course, you do not need a holiday to take photos or record videos, however, you can make a point of having people help you in remembering to take pictures.

There are likely many other ways to capture the moments with loved ones for remembering later. I think most important is remembering to do it. Talk about it before hand. Make plans so it happens. There are no do-overs. Action makes it happen, not talking. Find motivation that works.

I have been to visit family when so much chatter and memory-sharing and doing together was happening in a short time…and nobody took one picture. Not even catching folks as they were leaving, as sometimes we have done. I felt horrible. There we were, all together, all with phones or cameras, and no one stopped to take a photograph, or record a video of the occasion. I imagine this has happened in other families, too. Who will be in charge of taking photos?

These are the memories that will be shared in the future, year after year, even when most of us are gone and the next generation brings out the photos. (By then, who knows how the current photography method will be.) Plan to leave the best stories, the best photos, and best videos possible from this event.

Have a happy family gathering. 🥰 ~judy